Masterful Mindset – I Love You So Much It Hurts
“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.” ~ Mother Teresa
What are your beliefs about love? Have you been hurt in love? Have you ever experienced a love so strong it hurt? How can that be a good thing?
I’ve been very nostalgic this month for some reason, revisiting many relics from my childhood. Earlier with telling you about the book, “Love Is” and now today, I want to share another memory…
I had a little plastic figurine, that had a sickly-looking person on it with the caption that read, “I love you so much it hurts.” Truth be known, I think it belonged to my big brother or sister and they probably got it from a high school sweetheart, but none the less, for some reason, I really liked that little figurine. It was meant to be funny, whimsical and cute. Which it was! And although I didn’t understand that feeling then, I have to say that in my lifetime, I’ve actually experienced that feeling on many occasions – With my husband, when I’m away from him. With my girls, when I watch every bittersweet moment of their growth into independent young adults. And most recently with my father, when I visited him to likely say goodbye and hold his hand for the last time, as he nears his final days. You truly can love someone so much it hurts! But that is something very different than believing that you can be hurt by love. Love does not cause that kind of pain. Love does not hurt you… it is the lack of love or an unhealthy expression of love that hurts you.
I’ve worked with many people over the years who have a fear of love. And therefore withhold love or resist love. Consequently, it affects them in every area of their lives, including success. But the reality is, it’s not “love” they really fear. It’s the “lack of love” they fear, which for some might show up as a fear of rejection or a fear they don’t deserve love, aren’t worthy or good enough for love, etc. Most often even a withholding of self-love brings much of their pain. But as my dear friends and colleagues, Soulmate Coaches, Orna and Matthew Walters say, “Love is your birthright!” We all deserve love. But when we fear it, we keep it at bay from us. After all, why would you draw something in that you are afraid will hurt you?
Could you get hurt if you risk loving someone? Yes! Of course, you can. But there’s something very different from believing that “love hurts” to understanding that it is actually a lack of love or unhealthy love that hurts. When you can open yourself up to experiencing deep unconditional love, the kind that you can say, “I love you so much it hurts.” to, it is an experience like no other. That is a love so profound and so true, nothing else compares. And it is so worth it! But you will not experience it until you are ready to let go of old beliefs that love hurts and are willing to trust love; starting with loving yourself.
My challenge for you is to explore your beliefs about love. Look back to your childhood, that’s where our deepest beliefs stem from. If any are negative, know now that it is not “love” that causes pain – but a lack of love, an unhealthy love or a block from love that hurts the most. Then release any old hurts that you believe came from your limiting beliefs about love. Take a step towards forgiveness of love, trusting love and opening yourself to giving and receiving love again. Start with loving yourself! When you do, you allow yourself the opportunity to experience the paradox – that deep love that only hurts because it is so intense and so beautiful that it literally makes your heart feel as if it will burst. My wish for each of you is that you too can have a love so powerful and strong.
***I want to hear from you… Share your thoughts about this week’s topic below!