Relationships Require Effort

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~Buddha

Relationships require effort. Anyone who tells you differently is misrepresenting the truth of relationships. Now I am not saying that they have to be difficult or hard. But they do require effort. Trust me, after 31 years of marriage (which we are celebrating today) we wouldn’t still be deeply in love with each other if we didn’t put effort into our relationship. Don't get me wrong, sometimes even we need a reminder. Life can get busy and overwhelming. And when that happens, it's easy to take your closest relationships for granted. But to keep any relationship alive and strong, it requires attention and effort. It requires kindness, love and affection.

Do a check right now before you read on… On a scale of 1-10, how much effort do you put into each of the relationships you value most? If the score you give yourself doesn’t match the value of the relationship, then I’d say it’s time to up your efforts!

Now what about that relationship you have with yourself? How’s that working out for you? Do you put effort into that relationship? Do you give yourself kindness, love and affection? What score would you give that relationship?

Most people are willing to put forth effort in a relationship with someone else but they neglect the relationship they have with themselves. They ignore the fact that if they don’t have a good relationship with themselves, there will always be a void in their other relationships. It may show up in the form of lack of respect, discontentment, emptiness and even in conditional acceptance vs. unconditional love.

Why? Because if you don’t love and respect yourself enough to expect love and respect from others, you will not get it. If you aren’t willing to love yourself unconditionally then how would you guess others would love you? What you believe from others is a mirror of what you believe about yourself.

Would you treat others the way you treat yourself and expect to have any friends or lovers? Do you lie to yourself? Do you talk negatively about yourself? Do you beat yourself up? Do you neglect yourself or abuse yourself?

You might say no to the questions above. But when was the last time you put effort into nurturing yourself? When was the last time you were proud of yourself, kind to yourself or did something loving and caring for yourself? If you don't answer daily, then again I’ll say, it’s time to up your efforts!

Having a great relationship with someone else begins with the relationship you have with yourself. If you don’t have love, care and compassion for yourself, it is hard to put that out into the world with another person. Love and respect yourself, and others will too. Treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Make time for yourself, nurture yourself, care for yourself, love yourself, be kind to yourself. When you do that, everything around you changes too. And you will see more love in the world.

Now here’s what I want you to do… make two lists today. The first will be a list of ways you can put more effort into nurturing the relationships that matter most to you. The second will be a list of the ways you want to give more love and kindness to yourself. Then begin to make that effort. And don't get trapped into thinking that the lists have to be big or elaborate. Sometimes the littlest of actions can be the best. For yourself - taking care of your health, meditating, journaling or reading a good book are simple efforts that can fill your cup with love for self. Removing negative self-talk or not being so hard on yourself, is a great start. For a loved one or significant other - encouraging words, a gentle touch, an act of kindness, expressed appreciation or simply spending quality time together can be huge.

Relationships do require effort, but that effort is so very worth it! 

Ready to work on that relationship with yourself and others? Start by giving yourself and a loved one a gift that could potentially transform your lives! Answer these 5 questions to start you both on the path to success in every aspect of your life!