Progress Through The Art of Self-Compassion

"The best self-help must always begin with self-compassion." ~ Margie Warrell

Last month I confessed to you that I am a recovering perfectionist. And like so many of the people I work with who are high performers, we do tend to walk a fine line between having a desire to perform at a high level and trying to be perfect. But striving for progress rather than striving for perfection can actually free you to be your best self rather than getting paralyzed by the pressure of perfectionism.

It is my hope that after reading the article I wrote on this topic last month, you decided to make the shift with me. But, now what? Maybe you’ve tried and then found yourself back in old patterns if being hyper-critical of yourself, feeling like you must prove your worth, overachieving and striving to be perfect once again…  

If that’s true, then this article is for you because now it’s time to help yourself step into this new way of being, beginning with having self-compassion. Yes, as our quote today implies, self-compassion is the key to self-help.

The truth of the matter is, when you shift from perfectionism, which is outcome oriented and externally focused, often asking “What will they think?” (all the while judging yourself much harsher than any “they”) and instead you start aiming for healthy striving, which is growth oriented, internally focused and asks, “How can I improve?” you automatically begin to have more compassion for yourself. The painful shame and judgement you experience when you fail to achieve perfection results in self-blame and self-criticism. But moving your focus to seeking improvement, empowers you to take action. To move forward without the restriction or pain of judgement.

So how do you shift into a practice of self-compassion when you are someone who’s been so hard on yourself for so long? Dr. Kristen Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion has identified three key elements to growing in this area:

Self-Kindness (instead of self-judgment)
Common Humanity (instead of isolation)
Mindfulness (instead of over-identification)

I encourage you to start thinking about ways you can begin practicing the art of self-compassion. Will you be more conscious and compassionate about the words you speak to yourself - judge less and accept more? Will you seek to join a group of other like-minded people you can grow with that will support and encourage you? Will you be mindful of the negative thoughts and limiting beliefs you have about yourself, being cautious not to label or assume the worst?

Begin to practice more self-compassion for yourself and I believe you’ll begin to see a shift, not only in your level of performance in life, no matter whether it be personal or professional, but also in your level of happiness and fulfillment. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect, to make progress. And you won’t know true success without happiness.

If you are tired of feeling isolated and alone in your quest for personal growth then perhaps it's time to set yourself up to flourish in the new year. Click here to start the Heroic Basic Training now, and with it, get free premium access to the Heroic app for a full year! As well as a Heroic Strategy Session with me once you complete the training. Click the link below to start flourishing today!