What are you so afraid of? Identify Your Most Common Fears

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” ~Dale Carnegie

Halloween is over but for many, the fears they experience every day are much more frightening. If you know that your fear often gets the better of you then let’s unmask those fears and see them for what they really are, so they can lose their power and stop holding you captive.

If you read last week’s post, then by now you’ve already started to make a list of your biggest fears. So in this post, we’re going to identify what’s really at the root of your fear. Because awareness is the first step to change so once you recognize the real fear, you can work on building courage to move beyond it.

With most people, it comes down to the four primary fears I’ll be sharing with you today. Let’s see if you can identify where these four common fears show up in your life…

Rejection - We all have a desire to belong, be accepted, validated, respected, and loved. This is Psychology 101 and made clear in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. This desire is one of the most powerful motivations in life. But often, we let this desire develop into such a powerful driver that we can become rigidly afraid of its loss. Which brings up a fear of rejection. And can easily cause us to misconstrue other people’s feedback as rejection, harsh judgement, or a personal attack. But the truth is, no one else’s approval is actually needed for you to live your authentic life or to chase your dreams. And more times than not, it is our own self-judgement and rejection that we are experiencing.

Ruin - Along life’s path there will be mistakes and failures. The problem is that often we hold back on going after a dream because we fear that our mistakes will lead to extreme catastrophic ruin. Many people have a tendency to immediately envision the worst-case scenario. Thoughts like, “If I start this new business dream of mine, I’ll go bankrupt and never be able to recover and be poor for life!” are exaggerated and practically absurd when you consider the fact that we can all learn, adjust and adapt. And most importantly, you can literally change your future when you shift your attitude and actions in the present. You won’t be ruined. You’ll just learn and get better. Or as I like to say, “We don’t win or lose, we win or learn.” (Which is my version of the Nelson Mandela quote.)

Regret - Can you imagine coming to the end of your life and looking back with regret about the way you lived your life or the person you became?  No one wants to regret the choices they’ve made or the person they’ve become. And yet, often it is that exact fear of regret that keeps them from living fully. But regret can be easily avoided by living with more intention, presence, patience, and compassion. If you can let go of the fear of regret, you may find remarkable freedom and empowerment. Because if you can learn to harness it, regret can also be a strong motivator.

Responsibility - It seems odd to think about, but one of our number one fears is more responsibility. I often think of the fear of responsibility as a process pain because the idea of taking on more responsibility can seem painful. I’ve noticed this is frequently connected with a fear of success. Maybe you feel that if you take on even one additional thing, it will tip you completely out of balance, creating deeper overwhelm and burnout, so instead you don’t go after new goals and dreams because you fear you just can’t handle it. This may also show up as a fear that you will actually have to take ownership of your choices and actions rather than blaming someone else for the lifepath you’re on. Which would then mean that you must also take responsibility for whether you are going to continue down that path or take the necessary actions, which might be difficult, to change it.

Fearing rejection, ruin, regret and responsibility can be scary! I get it… as I said in the previous post, we all have fear and these four are extremely common. But once you identify the lies that these fears are whispering in your head, you can quickly quiet them so you can hear the call of your heart reminding you that it’s going to be okay. You don’t have to be afraid.

What have you been holding back on because of one of these fears? Are you ready to quiet that fear and step into your own personal power? Listen to your heart and never let fear hold you back from becoming who you desire to be again. Let’s go out and get busy!

 Identifying your most common fears is just the first step to moving beyond them. Find out how you can grow your confidence and courage through the power of coaching. Schedule your Strategy Session Today!