Masterful Mindsets

“Your best is going to change from moment to moment. It will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.” — Don Miguel Ruiz

As we've worked our way through The Four Agreements, we've talked about being impeccable with our word, not taking things personally, and avoiding assumptions. Today, we're looking at the fourth and final agreement:

Always Do Your Best.

At first glance, it sounds simple enough. Most people would probably say they already try to do their best.

But if that's true, why do so many people walk around feeling frustrated, disappointed, and like they're never quite measuring up?

I think the answer is something I've seen repeatedly in both my coaching practice and my own life:

Many people aren't striving to do their best.

They're striving to be perfect.

And those are two very different things.

If you're someone who puts a lot of pressure on yourself...

“Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” — Don Miguel Ruiz

Have you ever made an assumption about someone or a situation, only to find out later that you were completely wrong?

If so, you're in good company.

Most of us have done it.

We've assumed someone was upset with us when they weren't. We've assumed someone knew what we wanted when we never actually told them. We've assumed we understood a situation, only to discover later that we were missing important information.

And more often than not, those assumptions create exactly what Don Miguel Ruiz warns us about: unnecessary misunderstanding, disappointment, and drama.

That's why the third agreement from The Four Agreements is so powerful:

Don't Make Assumptions.

Simple advice, right?

Yet it's amazing how often we ignore it.

Whe...

“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” — Don Miguel Ruiz

A while back, I received an email from a reader who was struggling with a difficult co-worker. She described someone who was consistently rude, disrespectful, and unpleasant to be around. Every interaction left her feeling hurt, frustrated, and emotionally drained.

As I read her message, I immediately thought of the Second Agreement from Don Miguel Ruiz's book The Four Agreements: Don't Take Anything Personally.

Now before we go any further, let me be clear about something. Not taking things personally does not mean allowing people to treat you poorly. It does not mean tolerating disrespect, ignoring bad behavior, or pretending that hurtful actions are acceptable.

What it does mean is recognizing that other people's behavior is often far mor...

“Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz

Last week, I introduced you to The Four Agreements and challenged you to begin paying attention to how often you were (or weren't) living by them. This week, we're diving into the first agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word.

At first glance, most people assume this agreement is about how we speak to others. They think about honesty, integrity, gossip, keeping promises, and speaking truthfully. And while it certainly includes those things, I think there's an even more important place to apply this agreement.

The way you speak to yourself!

Take a moment and really think about that.

Would you consider yourself a positive, encouraging, compassionate person? Do you try to lift others up instead of tearing them down? Do you value honesty and integrity?

Most people would answer yes...

 “You can only be you when you do your best. When you don’t do your best you are denying yourself the right to be you.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz

If someone handed you a practical guide to personal freedom and told you that following a few simple principles could dramatically improve your life, would you be willing to try it?

I know I would.

In fact, that's one of the reasons I was so drawn to The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz when I first read it years ago. It's a simple book with a powerful message. And although there are countless personal growth books out there, very few have had the lasting impact that this one has because it’s simple to remember the key ideas, and if you follow them… so very powerful.

Recently, I found myself thinking about it again. Actually, that's not entirely true...

It feels more like the book has been calling to me from my bookshelf.

Maybe it's because of the world we're living in right now. It seems like everywhere I look, I see people carrying arou...

“Words are just words until you put them into action. Then they can become the character traits that you live by.” ~ Michelle Weimer

Over the last few weeks, we've been talking about character. We've explored the freedom that comes from being yourself, the difference between personality and character, and the fact that no matter how you're naturally wired, you can choose how you show up in the world.

My hope is that through these conversations, you've gained a little more clarity about the kind of person you want to be and the character traits you most want to possess.

So today, I want to leave you with one final thought:

It's not enough to simply make a list… You have to live by it.

Because knowing who you want to be and actually becoming that person are two very different things.

Most people have a pretty good idea of the qualities they admire. They know they want to be more patient, more confident, more courageous, more joyful, more disciplined, or more compassionate. The chal...

“Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open.” ~ Elmer G. Letterman

Last week, we talked about the freedom to be yourself. About accepting who you are, owning who you are, and permitting yourself to stop hiding behind other people's expectations.

This week, I want to take that conversation a step further because one of the questions I hear people ask all the time is:

"What if I don't like certain things about myself?"

Maybe you've asked yourself that too.

Perhaps you've taken a personality assessment at some point in your life. Myers-Briggs, DISC, Enneagram, StrengthsFinder, there are plenty of tools designed to help us better understand ourselves. And while I think those tools can be incredibly helpful, I also think they can become limiting if we're not careful.

Sometimes people take a personality test and begin treating the results like a life sentence.

"I'm an introvert."

"I'm not a people person."

"I'm just not naturally confident."

"I'm not a le...

“The freedom to be yourself is a gift only you can give yourself. But once you do, no one can take it away.” ~ Doe Zantamata

The Fourth of July is just a few days away here in the United States. It’s a time when we celebrate freedom. Freedom to choose, freedom to speak, and freedom to pursue the life we want to create.

But as I reflect on the holiday, I find myself thinking about a different kind of freedom, one that isn't granted by a government, protected by a document, or taken away by another person.

What I’m thinking about is the freedom to be yourself.

And sadly, I think this is the freedom many people struggle with most.

Instead of boldly owning who they are and sharing their gifts with the world, they hide. They hold back. They worry about what others might think. They dim their light and try to fit into someone else's expectations rather than fully expressing who they truly are.

Maybe you can relate.

Take a moment and think about this for yourself. How free are you ...

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” ~ Albert Einstein

People often use the words persistence and perseverance interchangeably.

But I think there’s an important difference between the two. And understanding that difference can completely change how you approach challenges, goals, relationships, and growth.

Because sometimes what looks like “commitment” is actually just staying stuck.

If You Keep Using the Same Ingredients…

One of the analogies I love sharing with clients is this:

If you keep putting the same ingredients into your cake… you’ll keep getting the same cake.

Seems obvious, right?

But think about how often we do this in life.

We keep thinking the same thoughts.
Making the same choices.
Avoiding the same hard conversations.
Using the same strategies.

And then we wonder why nothing changes.

If you want a different result, eventually something has to shift. (You need different ingredients.)

When ...

“Strength of character isn’t always about how much you can handle before you break, it’s also about how much you can handle after you’ve broken.” ~ Unknown

Last week, I had a conversation with a woman whose story stopped me in my tracks.

The amount of hardship she’s endured throughout her life was difficult to even imagine.

And yet…

She was warm.
Kind.
Faith-filled.
Resilient.
Strong.

Even in the middle of everything she’s been carrying.

If you met her casually, you probably never would have guessed she was walking through such a difficult season.

And honestly, it reminded me of something important…

It’s easy to display positive character traits when life is going well.

But adversity has a way of revealing who we really are.

Adversity Reveals Character

Last week, we talked about how actions reveal character.

And while that’s true, I think there’s an even deeper layer to it:

How someone shows up in the face of adversity says a tremendous amount about their true character.